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Ice Ice Baby
No-one thought they'd ever travel abroad again, but this trip to Finland is for business, not pleasure Cast * Sam Yao * Janine De Luca * Tom De Luca * Amelia Spens * Evan Deaubl Plot Run For The Rendezvous In a plane over Finland you and six of Abel's former residents go over the plan. You'll all parachute from the plane out of sight of the ministry forces stationed here, and Tom will land the plane by remote control. To The Dog-sleds Safely on the ground you regroup with Sam, who is very excited to find out that once you reach the rendezvous point you'll be travelling by dog sled. Bears At the rendezvous point everyone discusses how strange it is that there are apparently no zombies in Finland. There are still things that might chase you here though, like too-close-for-comfort bears. Reach The Cover Running for your life is the same in any country. Tom and Janine set up a supply dump while the rest of you continue on to the cover of a forest, to avoid being seen by Ministry spotters. Abseil In the forest, Runner 7 points out where you'll be headed next: a cave hidden in an ice-shelf. You'll have to make it there before sunset though. Can't Be Spotted Out Here Things turn a bit serious again as Janine and Runner 7 mention the possibility of this being a one-way trip. If things go badly Amelia's your back-up pilot, because she'd never sacrifice herself over a Viking bracelet! First For A Thousand Years It's a long way down into the cave, through what looks like a chute carved into the ice. No-one wants to be first so it looks like you're up, or rather, down! S05E33 // Rofflenet Discussion regarding this mission can be found on Rofflenet Transcript EVAN DEAUBL: So you can see the ice cliffs as we loop around. We suspect the Minister has secreted her main team in the wooded village behind them. SAM YAO: But we’re not landing there, right? Janine, we’re not landing right in the middle of the Minister’s army. JANINE DE LUCA: Yes, Mister Yao. I have gone to great lengths to get us to Finland under cover of secrecy and at personal risk to the king. I have hand-picked trained runners, agents, an operator, a doctor, and… Miss Spens, who speaks Finnish. I’ve done all these things, only for us to reveal ourselves to our enemy immediately. AMELIA SPENS: Sarcasm, Janine. Have you had an upgrade to your operating system? The plan, Sam, is to parachute out of this plane at low altitude so we’re less likely to be spotted, and let the plan crash-land in the snow, of which they have quite a lot here. Good thing I brought my goose down snowsuit, and my command of Finnish. TOM DE LUCA: Not crash-land. We have a better idea. Radio controlled, like the Comansys boat. MAXINE MYERS: Oh. You’re going to land it somewhere safe so we can fly home in it. You know, I was wondering. Didn’t like to ask. I thought, hey! We’re a crack team on a mission to Finland. Someone would have thought about how to get us back safely, like I promised my wife. JANINE DE LUCA: We don’t come to Finland without a plan, Doctor. But now, it’s time to jump. You’ve all practiced. EVAN DEAUBL: Drop and roll might be a bit of a gamble with my leg, but here I go! hisses open, wind whistles JANINE DE LUCA: Runner Seven, jump! Doctor Myers, jump. Mister Yao, jump. Mister Yao, I said jump! SAM YAO: Yeah, yeah, I’m just thinking about it, okay. Um, it’s a long drop. AMELIA SPENS: Oh, for God’s sake. SAM YAO, he screams Right. He’s jumped. Get on with it. JANINE DE LUCA: Miss Spens, jump. AMELIA SPENS: See, some of us can do this without making a fuss about it. JANINE DE LUCA: Tom? Tom, are you sure you can be an asset to this mission? TOM DE LUCA: I’m sure, Jane. And if not, just shoot me, as agreed. JANINE DE LUCA: Very well. Tom, jump! Runner Five, I’ll be right behind you. When you hit the ground, run for the rendezvous. Go! howls SAM YAO: Five! Oh my God, Five! I’ve found you. crunch through snow Oh, bloody hell. We’re actually in Finland! Look! Look, Finnish snow. Finnish trees! Finnish blood-red sun low on the horizon. Oh, well now it just sounds like I’m telling everything to finish. That’s going to get confusing. Maybe I can say Finland-ish instead. static, dogs bark JANINE DE LUCA: Mister Yao, Runner Five, make your way to the rendezvous as agreed. The dogsleds have been prepared by our Laundry contact in Finland. SAM YAO: laughs Oh my God! There are dogsleds, with huskies! Ooh, I can fuss their faces, and stroke their soft fur. And we’re in Finland! And I thought maybe we’d never get to leave Britain ever again. Maybe one day I’ll see China again. Well, it’s okay. Now, I know we’re here on a mission. Got to get that Viking armlet to the place marked on the map. Have to find whatever’s hidden here. Now, come on, Five! Let’s run to the dogsleds! bark AMELIA SPENS: You know, this is actually picturesque. There’s no reason the zombie apocalpse can’t include saunas, hot tubs, and pine forests. If I’d known the royal flight was still operating, I’d have taken a holiday earlier. MAXINE MYERS: You know what there isn’t? AMELIA SPENS: Is it some obvious way for you do-gooders to feel better about yourselves? Are you looking for an old lady to help across the road? TOM DE LUCA: No zombies. We didn’t see any flying in. Were any of you followed by a zombie on your way to the rendezvous? EVAN DEAUBL: Not me. None of us. And we haven’t seen any? SAM YAO: Well, it’s freezing up here, isn’t it? Maybe the zombies have all frozen. JANINE DE LUCA: Rofflenet reports say that there are zombies in Norway and Sweden. If there are none here, it’s because someone’s done something. bark MAXINE MYERS: Even if there aren’t zombies – and sidebar, when did that get to feel weird and disquieting and unnatural? - there are still things that could chase us. EVAN DEAUBL: Oh yes. Bears, wolves, lynxes, eagles. Eagles would be unlikely to chase us. MAXINE MYERS: But not impossible. I feel you, my friend. roars SAM YAO: And we think that is - ? JANINE DE LUCA: Bears. Each of their claws are as long as our hand, and they could take your face off in one swipe. I’ve pinpointed the spot Doctor Maxted identified on our map. As we’ve loaded our packs onto the dogsleds, it’s time to run. SAM YAO: To be honest, the feeling of being chased and having to run for your life - MAXINE MYERS: Not that different to running from zombies back home. SAM YAO: I know. My dad would have had words to say about coming overseas and doing the same things you do at home. MAXINE MYERS: If you were just going to run for your life, Maxine Myers, you could have stayed in Chicago instead of making us pay for this ticket to Finland. SAM YAO: At least try and admire the sparse pine forests, the frozen lakes, and the many unique mosses and lichens while you flee in terror, Samuel. EVAN DEAUBL: Our destination’s north northwest. We need to cut through the forest. TOM DE LUCA: Roger that. Worth setting up a supply dump here? JANINE DE LUCA: You and I will run ahead and do so, Tom. The rest of you, keep in tight formation. AMELIA SPENS: They’re very serious, aren’t they? MAXINE MYERS: Sorry, are you talking to me, Sam, and Five? AMELIA SPENS: Yes. I thought we could be the fun gang of the seven of us. You know, we’re here to have a good time! SAM YAO: Yeah, not with you. AMELIA SPENS: You could have plenty of fun with me if you just let yourself relax. MAXINE MYERS: Amelia, this is too early for this to get this weird. EVAN DEAUBL: Look, there’s a glint of binoculars on the horizon. They’re looking for us. We have to reach the cover of that forest. Run! EVAN DEAUBL: There it is. Down there, across the ice shelf. Do you see it? SAM YAO: Where? EVAN DEAUBL: Follow where my finger is pointing. SAM YAO: No, I still can’t see anything. AMELIA SPENS: Nor can I. EVAN DEAUBL: Look, do you see that black bush overhanging the cliff face? AMELIA SPENS: No. MAXINE MYERS: I see the black bush. Look, follow the line of that tree branch along… SAM YAO: I see it! I see the black bush. Wait, are we here for a black bush? Now, I’m not going to lie, that seems a bit underwhelming at the end of a quest to discover the ancient secrets of the Vikings, doesn’t it, Five? EVAN DEAUBL: sighs Look down from the black bush, across the ice shelf. The indentation in the ice. MAXINE MYERS: I see it. I see it! There’s a cave. AMELIA SPENS: Yes. MAXINE MYERS: Oh. AMELIA SPENS: It looks dank. The sort of place where a group of people might descend, never to return. Are we sure I need to go in there? SAM YAO: Oh, I still can’t see it. AMELIA SPENS: You’ll be able to see it when you’re in it, won’t you? MAXINE MYERS: Look for the blueish patch of ice. It’s the dark gray smudge next to that. AMELIA SPENS: Look. Relax your neck, Sam, and I will point your head towards it. SAM YAO: Yeah… oh, oh yeah! Oh wow, that does look exciting. EVAN DEAUBL: We must be there before sunset. We don’t want to have to abseil in the dark. AMELIA SPENS: Abseil? MAXINE MYERS: Five, run with me. JANINE DE LUCA: Team, Tom and I have left two supply dumps in the forest. If in need, you’ll find popup tents, emergency rations, radios, beacons, and flares here. AMELIA SPENS: Flares so that the Minister can find us more easily? MAXINE MYERS: Radios so that we can call to literally no one within several hundred miles. JANINE DE LUCA: Yes, well… This is for the rest of you, really. To find one another again, if Tom and I are killed. SAM YAO: Oh, this is one of those things, isn’t it, where you talk about death to get us to pay attention and stop flicking breakfast cereal at each other? EVAN DEAUBL: There’s no guarantee any of us will come back alive from this. I don’t know what we’re going to find down there. We have a Viking armlet and instructions that lead us to bring it here. We know Sigrid Hakkinen has killed hundreds of people to stop us being here. TOM DE LUCA: If it helps us bring her down, it’s worth it. That’s the mission. But if… if Jane and I don’t come back, rendezvous here in the woods. Five knows where the plane is. Amelia can pilot it. SAM YAO: But what if Amelia – oh wait, no, it’s fine. AMELIA SPENS: There is literally no way I am dying for a Viking bracelet. I’m here because whatever Sigrid wants that much must be valuable. First sign of trouble, I’m out. MAXINE MYERS: Nice to meet you, emergency pilot. EVAN DEAUBL: We must keep moving. We can’t be spotted out here. Run! SAM YAO: I suppose this is the place, then. AMELIA SPENS: The enormous ice cavern with the Viking symbols carved at the entrance to a giant ice chute? It’s either the place we’re looking for, or a very convincing theme park. MAXINE MYERS: Which of us is going to go down there first? EVAN DEAUBL: I will. JANINE DE LUCA: Not with your leg. If the bottom of this chute isn’t a soft landing, you’ll be in the worst shape of any of us, and we’ll need a couple of people to guard the cave mouth. AMELIA SPENS: Any other volunteers to be first down? SAM YAO: Five, you don’t have to. JANINE DE LUCA: Thank you, Five. We don’t know what we’re going to find down there, but we know that this is the end of a trail that Netrophil has been following since before the apocalypse. Something is down there which the Minister believes to be the most valuable object in the world. You, Five, may be the first person to see it for a thousand years. Just sit here on this ledge, and push off.Category:Mission Category:Season Five